I was having my lil’ meditation walk in the university campus across the street. I figured my brain could use some sunlight before I eventually got to work. It did, by the way. I feel great now.
During my walk, I was focused on absorbing the beauty of being a small fellow human living among the others, under the big beautiful blue sky. All the buildings and roads looked as if they were built by a well-meaning, hard-working gang of 5-year-olds.
Tiny humans doing their best. Moving mountains. Changing lives by putting one pebble on top of the other, and calling it a day.
We’re all about the human life at the stage we’re in. So when we change human lives, we’re tiny gods. But one can’t help but notice how what we do just tickles the ground we’re on, and does not alter how the stardust floats and flows above and under our heads. I’m in love with this. I am intensely, wholly in love with us. I, for one, would not have it any other way.
So while I was nearing the end of my walk, I saw a magpie searching for something in the frozen winter grass. You could see the intelligence in her eyes. Calculating, analysing, going back again and using her senses, using her beak as a probe, getting back up, thinking. I didn’t have the time to notice that my brain recognised the intelligent effort in those beautiful black eyes: all I could feel was a lighting strike. How on earth could I ever entertain the idea of leaving scientific research to go work for the industry? How on earth, could I consider it even for a split second, if I only have one life to live? I could feel the blood in my veins and in my brain pulse as I a wave of clarity swallowed me whole: it is not a matter of not knowing how long do I have to live. For all we have is this present moment. And as I watched the all-so-imaginary past and the future fall off from the edges of my consciousness, the true intention of my human life condensed into a dense monolith before my eyes and within my body: I absolutely could not fathom indulging in anything else besides curious, playful, divine scientific inquiry. I recognized that, I only really existed in that fraction of moment I was marvelling at the magpie. and that in that fraction I existed, I was a beautiful, precious sack of child-like wonder and joy. That’s what I *am*. How could I ever entertain the idea of being anything else, and take it seriously? …
As I made my way back home, walking under truly giant sycamores, I also came to realise this one other thing: my feet still touched the ground I was walking on, because my very existence as a human being in a community of people is meant to touch their lives, their hearts and the way they go on about their lives.
C's Scrapbook 